on our way home today

We ARE going home today! The doctors confirmed this during rounds this morning.

This morning I gained permission to take Moriah off the floor. I put her in the Baby Bjorn on my chest and walked her downstairs, avoiding crowds. It was the first time I have left our floor since Wednesday (and did I mention I have not been outdoors since Saturday?). Without intent, I found myself heading for the hospital's interfaith chapel. Inside was a large piece of paper for those of us waiting for word from Haiti. There, I wrote the names of families we know, including the boys' relatives, and our sponsored child, Jeffte. The Scripture nearby was one from Psalms 46: "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea...the Lord Almighty is with us." I cried and cried, for all the pain, and for how easily confused I am when the earth shakes, when my world is turned upside down, when suffering comes. Eventually, I walked to the front of the chapel. There was a prayer there, words of affirmation expressing God's mercy and ability to comfort and to heal. Nearby was a dish of olive oil. I dipped my finger in and annointed Moriah's head with oil; in my faith tradition, oil is a symbol of God's Spirit, of God's choosing. Yesterday I did a lot of praying, thinking, reading, and listening, and came to this conclusion: Moriah's Down syndrome, her suffering, is ordained by God. Which is not to say He likes it; I think, as we see in the example of Christ, He weeps with us in our pain and our losses. But somehow I cannot believe in a God who "allows" things to happen, like an idle wallflower who somehow "lets" things slip by Him. I'm spending a lot of time meditating on Psalm 42 (so often in my life, I return to Psalms for the words to express what I am feeling!) and I am reminded again that God is King. Moriah's suffering is ordained, it is purposed, and purpose-filled. This brings me great comfort today. And so I annointed Moriah's forehead with oil as a symbol today that God is the Chooser, that He has chosen her, and chosen us, and that today I will open my heart to what those purposes might mean in our lives. It breaks my heart to open it so wide, but maybe, this is the purpose, and what I most need, who I most need to become. Like Moriah, a girl with a scarred heart.

"My tears have been my food day and night...all your waves and breakers have washed over me. Why so downcast, O my soul? Put your hope in God. For I will yet praise Him." (Psalm 42)

Again, I'm asking you to pray for us. I always do better in the hospital than when I get home. Here, I have a singularity of purpose--I mostly tend to Moriah. Once I get home, I have to do the great juggling act of 2 boys, Moriah, meals, schedules, homework...and now, with Moriah needing a daily injection, and getting fussier, and unable to go out in public much...it is hard not to get overwhelmed. Please do keep us in prayer this weekend, and next week.

And being home means I have SO much less time for updates. I will try my best, but if you don't hear from us, it's because my life has split open into multi-tasking once again.

Thank you, all, for loving us online so much this week! We've needed your encouragement so much.