So I have been taking a graduate-level professional development course this week. Yesterday, I was chosen by the course presenter to share a story of a "failure" that turned into a moment of great learning for me. The incident came to mind immediately...
Five years ago. It was a few days before my master's thesis presentation, and I was meeting with my faculty advisor to receive her feedback on the written summary of my work, which I would present at the college in a few days' time. Much to my absolute shock and horror, my advisor told me that the entire document needed to be re-written, that it was certainly not an example of my best work. I was panicked to think that I needed to revise a summary of what had been an entire year's of research and classroom ethnography. But I did re-write it, finding in the end a beautiful and fitting analogy to tie the research together, and to reframe the paper. In the end, the experience of failure--and of disappointing my mentor--proved to be a great catalyst of learning, and inspiration. And it caused me to appreciate my advisor more, for staying true to the high standard to which she knew I could attain, and for never once blinking in the face of my own anger and fear at my failure to get there on my first try.
Tonight I had the opportunity to meet with that mentor again. It has been years since I have seen her...five years since I received my master's degree, and I can't quite remember if I have seen her since then. If so, only briefly. We met to talk about my newest venture...an application to a doctorate program (and to catch up on all of our personal news). Last night I emailed her the first draft of the application's personal statement, and in true form, she brought the three pages to Panera today, her comments written throughout the margins. In short, she told me I needed to revise the entire piece, that it needed to be a more authentic telling of why I left teaching English to teach ESL. And I realized, sitting there with my mug of ginger peach tea, why I love my mentor Donnalee so much. She is difficult to please, but absolutely delighted with me, all at once. I want to be the woman she sees me to be.
I recounted the story of my original thesis failure to her tonight, and she laughed, put her hand in mine, and said, "You were so angry with me when you left my office." But in the end, I needed a mentor like her--someone who could point out my failure to live (or write) my real, true self.
Tonight I'm writing in praise of women like Donnalee who are guiding lights to younger women like me, struggling to see themselves clearly. When we have lost our strength and inspiration, it's women like you who keep us grounded and real, helping us to love our families, and pursue our dreams. For this, I am giving thanks.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
on making changes
Our weeks since my last post have been filled with many changes...and many anticipated changes. Changes in our parenting styles (as we are learning to help our sons heal in greater measure). Changes in height (one of those weeks last week where I swear that the boys suddenly GREW again...especially Jackson, for whom size 8 jeans are now almost too short). Changes in our health (Jackson has a cold, I took a yoga class on Sunday and have since been hobbling around, and Orilus seems funnily accident-prone lately...must be the growth spurt). Changes in our family, as we wished my sister and her husband well in their adoption process at their baby shower a couple weekends ago, and anticipate the coming of my sister-in-law's new baby in a couple months.
Of course, the change in our lifestyle, or I should say, in moving towards the life we hope to have, is taking more and more of our energies (even as it creates more and more energy for us). We are close to having a friend make an offer on our house, and hope thereafter to make an offer on a 3-family we have found about a mile away. We are hoping this 3-family will make a wonderful "community house"--a place where we can live, and be surrounded by friends (who will purchase condos there), and a place for the neighborhood to gather (a walk-in basement holds potential as a place for a common play space, or community place for ESL classes or homework help). In the meantime, we continue to pray for people who want to be part of the start of a house church, and are trusting this will happen in the organic-yet-intentional way that God seems to do things around here.
There have also been some subtle change in our family's lifestyle, thanks in large part to a growing friendship with a new couple here in Lynn (the one who convinced me to share in her yoga class on Sunday). We are "going green," I guess you could say, and trying to make more intentional choices about conserving our resources, and about our money. It's true that our money connects us to people--what I buy connects me to the person who has made it, the person selling it, and all the people in between. And while the information about these transactions can get overwhelming (free trade, organically produced, sustainable development, and so on), my friend Christy is helping me to realize that small changes are better than no changes at all. Oh, and I've been reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, which is playing no small role.
These changes have included: a decision to begin making our own cleaners as they run out. We're about out of dishwasher soap, and discovered a cheaper alternative, and healthier--mixing equal parts Borax and Washing Soda. Soon to come: laundry soap, multipurpose cleaner, dish soap... Also, we're working on eliminating paper products as much as possible from our house (if you remember, this is a HUGE deal for us, as we were ONLY allowed to use paper products during transplant year...no hand towels, washcloths, rags allowed). So paper napkins, and re-usable shopping bags are going to become our new norm.
And I'm especially delighted to report that MANY years late, we are discovering Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. If you have "favorite purchases" from either of these stores, do send them my way. I tried Whole Foods this week to find more locally grown produce (hard, in New England) and meat (local, organic). And this morning I had the most wonderful brand of a ginger granola from Trader Joe's....mmmm.
Jason is out right now buying me some seeds and pots so that I can start my own indoor herbal garden, too. Send any pieces of advice my way!
Hopefully, when we get to our new house, we can start a garden...and in the spring and summer months, support our city's Food Project (www.thefoodproject.org) and their wonderful farmer's market. I'm pleased to have friends who are introducing me to the ideas of farm shares and co-ops, and have dreams to start a co-op here in our city. I'm getting quite an education, let me tell you.
This week has also been a week of change, as it's a break from the normal routine--school vacation week. We had planned to go to Vermont last weekend, but are so glad we decided instead just to stay home. We needed that time to re-connect, and re-center as a family. Yesterday we spent the entire afternoon in the YMCA indoor swimming pool, a lovely diversion on a rainy day.
Thanks for all who are praying for us so consistently, and so well. We have needed your prayers, and need them still, in this season of change...and, we hope, of great healing.
Of course, the change in our lifestyle, or I should say, in moving towards the life we hope to have, is taking more and more of our energies (even as it creates more and more energy for us). We are close to having a friend make an offer on our house, and hope thereafter to make an offer on a 3-family we have found about a mile away. We are hoping this 3-family will make a wonderful "community house"--a place where we can live, and be surrounded by friends (who will purchase condos there), and a place for the neighborhood to gather (a walk-in basement holds potential as a place for a common play space, or community place for ESL classes or homework help). In the meantime, we continue to pray for people who want to be part of the start of a house church, and are trusting this will happen in the organic-yet-intentional way that God seems to do things around here.
There have also been some subtle change in our family's lifestyle, thanks in large part to a growing friendship with a new couple here in Lynn (the one who convinced me to share in her yoga class on Sunday). We are "going green," I guess you could say, and trying to make more intentional choices about conserving our resources, and about our money. It's true that our money connects us to people--what I buy connects me to the person who has made it, the person selling it, and all the people in between. And while the information about these transactions can get overwhelming (free trade, organically produced, sustainable development, and so on), my friend Christy is helping me to realize that small changes are better than no changes at all. Oh, and I've been reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, which is playing no small role.
These changes have included: a decision to begin making our own cleaners as they run out. We're about out of dishwasher soap, and discovered a cheaper alternative, and healthier--mixing equal parts Borax and Washing Soda. Soon to come: laundry soap, multipurpose cleaner, dish soap... Also, we're working on eliminating paper products as much as possible from our house (if you remember, this is a HUGE deal for us, as we were ONLY allowed to use paper products during transplant year...no hand towels, washcloths, rags allowed). So paper napkins, and re-usable shopping bags are going to become our new norm.
And I'm especially delighted to report that MANY years late, we are discovering Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. If you have "favorite purchases" from either of these stores, do send them my way. I tried Whole Foods this week to find more locally grown produce (hard, in New England) and meat (local, organic). And this morning I had the most wonderful brand of a ginger granola from Trader Joe's....mmmm.
Jason is out right now buying me some seeds and pots so that I can start my own indoor herbal garden, too. Send any pieces of advice my way!
Hopefully, when we get to our new house, we can start a garden...and in the spring and summer months, support our city's Food Project (www.thefoodproject.org) and their wonderful farmer's market. I'm pleased to have friends who are introducing me to the ideas of farm shares and co-ops, and have dreams to start a co-op here in our city. I'm getting quite an education, let me tell you.
This week has also been a week of change, as it's a break from the normal routine--school vacation week. We had planned to go to Vermont last weekend, but are so glad we decided instead just to stay home. We needed that time to re-connect, and re-center as a family. Yesterday we spent the entire afternoon in the YMCA indoor swimming pool, a lovely diversion on a rainy day.
Thanks for all who are praying for us so consistently, and so well. We have needed your prayers, and need them still, in this season of change...and, we hope, of great healing.
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