hospital again

That's right, friends. Moriah's in the hospital again.

Moriah and I spent our Easter Sunday in the ER--she woke up that morning with a really high fever and a bad cough. Diagnosis: virus. Monday we visited the doctor. Diagnosis: virus. Tuesday we visited the doctor again. Diagnosis: croup and an ear infection. Yesterday we asked and went for a chest X-ray. Diagnosis: bad pneumonia in the right lung. We were sent immediately to be admitted at South Shore Hospital so she could be monitored and treated with IV antibiotics.

So here we are. Yesterday was one of Moriah's worst days...fussing and crying for hours, and unable to calm herself or get herself to sleep. So unlike her. I grew frustrated with her, with her nurse, with the situation...it's times like these when acceptance of this life (kids with DS tend to have more sickness, especially respiratory ones) seems really far fetched. And pretty much unattainable.

I finally fell asleep a couple hours ago with a hurting chest (the stress, I know), saying to myself, "My life agrees with me. My life agrees with me" (a mantra a colleague taught me a couple years ago). Except I pretty much feel like that's a lie, because once again I am kicking and screaming against everything DS might mean for Moriah, and yes, for me, and for us.

So we need prayers for Moriah and her healing especially. And her comfort--the poor, fussy girl. So awful to see her so sad! But also, prayers for trust again, for surrender again. Sometimes, depression and discouragement seem like twin house guests who visit too awfully frequently...am trying to laugh at them, and listen to what they have to teach me.

Moriah is fussing again (thanks to our night nurse, who woke us both by turning ON the overhead light...ugh!) and she's not getting herself back to sleep at all. Prayers, friends! We need them.

a thought on the road to acceptance...

Guest House
by Rumi

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.