on fear

This morning in house church our friend, Karen, led our discussion of Matthew chapter 4. There, we read about the tempations of Jesus. Karen pointed out that Jesus responded to each temptation with the words, "It is written...," quoting the Scriptures (Orilus and Jackson remarked that He must have spent a LONG time memorizing the Bible). And then she asked, what temptations have we been struggling with lately?

An interesting question. I don't often think of being "tempted," but immediately I knew that I was in a struggle of sorts. For the past couple days, fear has been trying to make a home in my heart. Fear that we really are making a crazy decision to move out of our beautiful home by the beach to a two-family closer to the downtown. Fear that we will not be safe there. Fear that we have taken on more than a too-enormous project in the midst of an already-full life. Fear that lots of people think we are crazy, and don't understand. Fear that our dreams are not going to work out, that we will live in a smaller place but without the "community" we desire to create. Yesterday while brushing my teeth I looked in the mirror and thought, "We are leaving this house," and I felt I couldn't breathe. Fear does that, you know. Takes your breath--your life--away.

So my dear friend Karen, a Buddhist-raised Christian, reminded me this morning to align myself with Love. What does the Word of Love (the Scriptures) say about my fear? It is written there that perfect love casts out fear, that I am loved perfectly, and so I do not need to be afraid. It is written that God is with me. It is written that God is for me. It is written that all things work together to good for those who love God. It is written that God is the strength of my life, and that mercy will chase me down all the days of my life. It is written that He will keep me safe in His dwelling, and hide me with his wing.

I'm so grateful to my friend for helping me to find my way back to Love today, and we appreciate your prayers as we spend our last week here on Mace Place and transition to our new home.

Speaking of fear, and of love, I want to ask you once again to pray for our friend, Eddie. I talked with Eddie's mom yesterday, and Eddie was re-admitted to the isolation floor of Children's Hospital on Friday afternoon. He is still suffering from post-transplant complications, and there are so many things wrong with him, and the doctors don't know what to do. My heart is breaking for Eddie and his family, and for Orilus, who prays faithfully at least once a day that God will heal his transplant-friend. We continue to appreciate all of you who have prayed and supported Eddie's Fund. When I talk to Eddie's mom, I feel the static of unspoken fear between us, and she, too, needs to be touched by Love. Please pray with us for love and peace for Eddie and his family this week.

new way of living

I'm making the transition from academic to manual laborer. :)

On Wednesday, I completed the final paper (a rough draft of a dissertation proposal) for my doctoral classes. I'm finished with classes now! To say that I LOVED them probaby sounds completely nerdy, but is also the total truth. My dad would understand when I say that I ventured to the 9th floor of the UMass Boston library last week (to find some books in the stacks), and when the elevator opened on the 9th floor, I almost cried, I was so happy. Rows and rows on books...my version of heaven on earth...

Since Wednesday afternoon, I've become a full-time laborer (Jason keeps teasing me that I've gone from academia to blue collar). We're working day and night on our new house. Lots of things have been CRAZY wrong--fleas, a water main break under the street in front of our house (apparently the sound of a rushing waterfall is NOT a sound you want to hear in your home), fleas, some windows covered by panelling, mold, fleas, lights that don't work for no apparent reason, fleas, wallpaper that all but refuses to come off. Did I mention we had a flea infestation, too?

Um, yeah. It's been quite a different world for me these last few days!