back to school

(Moriah's first day of "school;" posing at home before starting daycare the day after Labor Day)

In the last three weeks, Team Winchell has returned to school. Jason's begun his second year of teaching in the math department of a nearby high school. Orilus has moved to the top of the junior high (grade 8) and become a Junior Varsity starter in soccer (and an amazing defenseman). (True confessions: he's finally good enough that I actually enjoy watching him play). Jackson has moved from the upper elementary school and joined his brother at the junior high (grade 7), a transition he handled very well. He seems MUCH happier with his school life this year, and he's playing JV soccer this season, too, though not as frequently as his brother.

It's also been a big fall for Moriah and me. I applied for, was offered, and accepted a full-time professorship at a community college about 10 minutes from my front door. I'm an English professor now, teaching 5 writing courses (Composition I & II), which means a LOT of paper reading and grading. I'm enjoying the job very much; the faculty there are amazing, and brilliant, and happy, and a ton of fun. Of course, this has meant that Moriah and I are not home together every day any more; she's started attending a family-run daycare here in our town. As you can imagine, she LOVES it. She has friends now, and structure, and a lot to DO...painting, and outdoor play, and circle time, and singing. As much as I miss her (I really do), I am happy for this transition in her life and readily acknowledge that as she was growing older, she was needing some folks specially-trained (and really in love with) early childhood development. That doesn't describe me; I've done well keeping my wits about me after 2 years of staying at home. My schedule has more flexibility than a high school schedule; I have an office (so fun!) but besides a few office hours a week, I'm not required to be on campus other than for teaching or other faculty meetings/committees. So far, I'm pretty much there M-F from 8-2. But in the bigger picture, when I think about the number of days I actually work a year (even less than the 180 of a high school teacher), it's not a bad gig...it means I'm home with Moriah 1/2 of the year, really. Very cool.


Moriah is definitely in the terrible twos. She's got a strong will and a fiery independence (hm, I wonder from which parent she got THAT from...a double dose of strong will for sure!). Since she's not saying any words, this can be frustrating, because she dissolves into yelling or tears, forgetting completely to use her sign to ask for what she needs or wants. She does, however, understand the logic of the "time out," and sits until she is ready to apologize (she signs "sorry" and then gives hugs). In some ways, this is SO typical of a two-year-old, I know. In other ways, it's not; moms with typical kids don't worry as much about health and mental capacity as I do, I don't think. For me, I find I really have to fight the worry that she is growing into a behavioral disorder or other special need. So many of the kids with DS I know have an additional diagnosis (ADD, ADHD, oppositional, autism, and so on)...definitely bucking the "kids with Down syndrome are always so happy" stereotype. In addition, Moriah seems very "behind" her friends with DS. I'm realizing that she is not progressing as many of the other kids with DS are, and that this has been the case for some time. This brings up another fear--that of her being "really" disabled the rest of her life. I think, like most parents with a kid with a disability, I harbor a sort of "my-kid-will-be-one-of-the-smart-ones-with-DS" hope, a sort of talisman to keep the fear of a truly challenged (read: challenging) child at bay. These last 2 weeks I find I'm dealing with those 2 fears--the fear of additional diagnosis, the fear that she is really not "high" on the spectrum for kids with DS--and trying hard to come to terms with the sadness. Trying, as strange as it may sound, to accept Moriah again for who she is, and to let who she is today be just that--today.

Even through the sadness, I am overwhelmingly grateful. Yesterday, for example, I felt that my heart would burst from gratitude. We are healthy. Moriah is fighting a cold, all by herself (no antibiotics in over a month!). Her eye surgery in August was a success, and her eyes are not nearly as crossed any more, her recovery smooth. Orilus is healthy--watching his long legs stride across a soccer field the other day, I got tears in my eyes. Jackson is making so much progress in so many ways, and is about to turn 14, and is a gift of a brother with the kind and gentle ways he loves his little sister.

Mostly, I find, I fight the fears with gratitude for what IS. Today, a quiet Sunday. A girl asleep in her crib. Orilus on his X-box, playing "with" (via the virtual world) his friends. Jackson and Jason running an errand. We have navigated another "new start" to life, and we are here to tell about it, and enjoy it. We open our arms and welcome this new fall season, and we give God thanks.